"Yes Man" Part II

In my last entry, I started to get a bit caught up in semantics and decided to adjorn for a couple of days. Hopefully I can be a bit more succinct, or at least get to my point in this entry...

I was previously discussing the situations in our lives where me may say yes or no to the wrong things and I will pick up there... It seems that more often than not, the things that we say yes to aren't always the best for us. I say yes to that second piece of cake when my doctor tells me that I should be saying no. I say yes to staying up late wasting time on "I can has cheezburger.com" when I would be much better off going to bed at a reasonable time. (Not to mention that my witness is a bit better when I am not late for work and grumpy) Of course, I have said yes to a lot of good things as well-helping a coworker with something after hours so they could meet a deadline, helping someone move when I would much rather have said no and slept in, even listened to a friend who needed to talk about something when I would have rather done something else.

But to take it up a notch, how about saying yes to God? Assuming I am actually listening when God speaks, how often is my answer yes? I am embarrassed and a little saddened to say that it is a lot less than most people might think. Why? Sometimes I fail to respond because of fear or rejection or fear of failure. Sometimes I am, like CS Lewis says, "the child turning down the trip to the sea shore because I am content playing with mud pies in the yard." In other words, I say no to God because I am too busy saying yes to myself. Yes, I want that, or yes, I want this, or yes, I deserve this... you get the picture. Psalms 37:4 says Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. It kind of makes me wonder if those things that I long for are denied me by God simply because I have said no to Him. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that God is a petty god who sulks because He doesn't get His way but rather, it makes Him an amazingly patient and gracious God who longs to bless but withholds His blessing because I refuse to accept it. To be sure, God has blessed me anyway, but it does make me wonder what my life would be like if I said yes to Him and truly delighted in His working in my life and in the world around me.

Furthermore, what would my life look like if I said yes to Him in the manner that Jim Carrey's character says yes to every opportunity that comes his way in 'Yes Man?' Something tells me that my at times smaller-than-a-mustard-seed faith might be forced to grow. I might actually expect God to show up and work according to His promises rather than taking the attitude of Zachariah who basically told God, "I am too old for this. You can't give me a son now." Scripture doesn't record it this way, but Zachariah basically told God 'no, you won't either because I am beyond tired of waiting for you and frankly, you aren't working on my schedule.' Contrast that to Isaiah 6:8. When God asks him "Whom shall I send?" Isaiah responds simply with "Here I am. Send me." Isaiah didn't hem and haw, say he needed to go bury his father, make associate at his firm, find a wife, or read a couple more books of Scripture. He didn't even say "yes....but." He said yes to God and his life certainly was never the same. Of course it had its ups and downs but I think that if I could ask Isaiah what he would have done differently, I wouldn't hear him say that he wished he had pretended he didn't hear God when He told him to go. Or take Peter for instance, even though we tend to criticize him for sinking when he stepped out of the boat, he could have said no in the first place. Sure, he had little faith, but what of the other disciples? They weren't even willing to risk sinking in order to join the Lord on the waves. Perhaps we need to daily ask ourselves the following question each day: Am I saying yes to God today or yes to my own desires and my own comfort? The answer may not be one we are proud of, but His mercies are new every morning, so perhaps we should take the chance to say 'yes' anew every day.

Yes Man Part I

I watched the preview for Yes Man a week or so ago, starring Jim Carrey. While I am not a big fan of his acting, the plot line got me thinking. Essentially the film is about someone who says no to pretty much every risk and opportunity in life, and as a result, never advances in his career, never gets a date, never does much of anything at all... You get the idea. Through a turn of events taking only a few minutes of cinematography, Jim's "no man" attends a seminar, and inspired by the rally cry of "yes" begins to say yes to pretty much everything. In the case of the film, it appears that hijinks and tomfoolery ensue as he says yes to a lot of things that are downright strange-like a mail-order bride, but for those of you who might go see this movie, I will only betray my ignorance if I keep going on about a movie I haven't seen...

When I starte this entry a few weeks ago, I was thinking that as I sit at my computer in the cold, having worked late and run errands to while away most of a Monday evening, that I might do better in my 'yes' and 'no's'. In Matthew, Jesus tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no. In other words, we are to be people of our word-a relatively simple concept but a very difficult task. Beyond that, I think that Jesus is also saying that what we say yes and no to is important.

When you look at day-to-day life, it isn't usually the single yes or no's that make the most difference. For most of us, our daily decisions involve relatively insignificant matters that even the most indecisive among us can handle: breakfast or no breakfast, striped shirt or solid color, turkey on rye or ham on wheat, etc., and ad nauseum... Of course there are those people who say yes or no at a critically right/wrong juncture and their lives are irreversibly changed by a winning lotto ticket or a foolhardy stunt gone wrong, but I think that for most of us, the "yes" and "no's" that affect our lives most profoundly are composed of the amalgous effect of a series of decisions made over an extended period of time. While that typically means that may have to work hard to break patterns of making the wrong decisions, there is come encouragement to be found in the reality that each individual decision is rarely the end-all.

But back to yes and no, yes? The reality is that for most of us, we will reach a point in our lives when we yes or no to the wrong things. Actually, for most of us, it will probably happen more than once, to varying degrees of severity, and we may even make the wrong call more often than not! Some circumstances will be so minor that will won't even realize we have made a miscue and others, if not corrected in time, may result in regrets that we may carry with us for a long time. (Especially those perfectionists among us who have perfected the art of blaming themselves for not doing quite as well as we could/should/might have, regardless of the circumstances).

So which is more important, yes or no? Obviously, saying yes to something that is clearly bad such as drug use or promiscuous sex can result in lasting, often damaging and even fatal, consequences. Saying yes to binge drinking has resulted in some people never making another decision. Of course, we have all heard the saying "Just say no to drugs." But then again, it is of little practical purpose to try to determine whether then yes or no's are more important. The reality for most of us is that a yes in one part of our lives may very well mean a no in another part, or vice versa. This is particularly relevant when we make decisions about things that are good in and of themselves but may not be the best things for us in our lives now or ever. After all, life is a fatal condition for 10 out of 10 of humans nowadays as long as Christ tarries, and we all have limited time to spend on this earth. (To be continued...)

The Answer

This is hardly new material but while I am posting songs I figured I would post some other lyrics that I put together quite awhile ago. There is not music to this and it may be too long to ever put to music but my more recent attempts haven't quite been able to resonate with people as this did.

"The Answer"

A silent conversation
For your eyes speak to me
Longing for consolation
A heart that won’t be free.
Beneath a smile you hide the pain
The constant longing in your brain
I would that you might stop and turn
To find the love for which you yearn.

But the face you wear is not your own.
The place you live is not your home.
You can’t believe the words they speak
For they know not the truth you seek.

Fragments of reality, a life on display
Is it easy to decide what mask to wear today?

Yet as you climb out of bed
Those same voices fill your head
Why even get up at all?
If you try, you’ll only fall.
Can’t find a way to drown them out
“It’s all a lie,” you want to shout.
Keeping silent one more day,
Will this existence fade away?


Chorus: For the face you wear is not your own.
The place you live is not your home.
You can’t believe the words they speak
For they know not the truth you seek.

You long just once to take a stand
But there’s a tremor in your hand.
Even though you disagree,
You quickly join the symphony.
So easy just to sing their song
Pretending always to be strong
Than to take your cross and follow
Too tough a pill for you to swallow.

(Repeat Chorus)

A heart that searching cannot find
Truth that’s hidden in your mind
Refusing just to look inside
Drowning in your hollow pride.
Finally it’s time to fall.
In the depths you hear His call
In the past you’ve pushed away
But your strength has failed today.
An invitation not declined
Look to Him and you will find,

Your face will tell you are His own
One day He’ll call you to your home.
You can believe all He does speak
For He is the Truth you seek.

Lyrics by: Richard Wilke
Rome, Italy
March 28, 2002

"I"

This is a song I put together 3/10/07 and I figured it was about time to share it... It is pretty simple but sometimes simple is the best way to make a point.

I

v. 1

Another day of falling on my face,
Of feeling out of place
Trying just to find my way
As I stumble day by day
Trapped between the walls these hands have made.

Chorus:
Who I am, is not who I want to be,
Is not who I planned to be,
I can’t discern the plans You have for me.
Who I am, is not who I try to be
Is not who I hope to be
When I look in the mirror, I don’t like who I see

v.2
And I know You’re working to complete
The works that You’ve begun in me
Yet when I look around,
I find my hope is found
Only in what I see in me.

Chorus

Bridge:

But my eyes can only see so far
For my vision’s clouded by
All that is within me that doesn’t come from You.

v.3
It is only when I realize
That I cannot see but through your eyes
The wondrous life You’ve made in me
That in your presence I might be,
A glorious work of Your hands, if only I could understand…

Chorus (modified)

That who I am, is not who I want to be
But Your Grace surrounds me
For I am uniquely created to live within Your love.
Who I am I is not who I try to be,
From my striving set me free
That I may live the life You gave to me.

Passion and Dreams

This is an entry I have started twice before but didn't get to a point where it made sense to post it. I was feeling particularly introspective this evening so I decided it was time to get this up to speed...

About a month ago, I heard messages at church and at Exit that talked a bit about dreams, and I got thinking a bit about the topic. It isn't that I don't periodically think about dreams, it is more that the typical goings-on in my life often occupy my thoughts and leave precious little time much else. Ironically, I find that now my opportunities to do a lot of very interesting things that I could not even imagined at a young age have expanded dramatically, yet much of the time my dreams seem to have largely got lost in the shuffle.

I remember some of the dreams I had as a little kid: wanting to be a firefighter, a spy, a policeman, especially nwanting to drive that big piece of heavy machinery (some things haven't changed much since I think it would be fun to drive a Caterpillar Dozer at least once or dig a big hole with an excavator.)

But, back to my present line of thought... I don't really see a need to discuss the current daily cares and worries of work and life that can so often occupy my mind but I do think if I don't take some time to dream, there is a big piece of my life that is missing.

Someone asked me the other day what I hoped to accomplish in my career as a Landscape Architect and I was somewhat surprised to realize that I am not exactly sure. I know that they say that people with goals are more apt to achieve them, but I think that currently I am happy to be enjoying my job and doing something that I really feel makes a difference. Granted, I am not designing parks or grand public spaces (I am not designing much of anything) nor am I laying out new towns or urban centers as I would assume those more advanced in my profession may be doing. Perhaps my dream is simply to do my work well and be part of projects about which I am proud. Of course, I do desire to do my part in creating a generation of designers who are astute in balancing the reality of construction with the freedom of pure design. How to go about doing that is, at this point, still well beyond my reach.

I wonder if my many interests are a part of the problem. If I were obsessed with sailing, I might simply want to circumnavigate the globe. Or I might have Jonny Bench's obsession and passion to be the best catcher in the history of the game of baseball. At this point, it is hard enough for me to delve into the many things about which I am passionate: art, music, photography, woodworking, the outdoors, kayaking, sailing... I could keep going on but I am actually going off in a direction that I wasn't planning to take.

I think that more important than knowing all of my dreams right at this moment is considering what could happen if I trust God to bring those that are part of His plan to fruition. For example,
My career isn't as I had dreamed it would be but the fact that I am still growing and learning gives me hope that I will dream bigger dreams and accomplish more. As recently as a year ago I dreamt of a job that would engage my talents and keep me challenged and right now I have part of that. I suppose I could focus on the things I don't have but it may simply be better for me to focus on the hope that God really does mean what He says when He tells us that "He will give us the desires of our hearts." The challenge therein is that we are not always keyed in to what our hearts are really saying. To make matters worse, it seems that many of us prefer to live in the deferred dreams of our past rather than moving forward to our future. In the new Indiana Jones movie there is a comment regarding how much of life which could be lived is spent instead in waiting. While I may have minced the quotation, the point is still clear. We are to go after our dreams or we may forever regret not doing so. How does this translate in my life? Perhaps it means learning a new skill that I might not be able to master or perhaps it simply means breaking out of the safety of the known and expected. While I am not sure what this exactly looks like, I think that there is something in there about my daring to believe that God can use me in my imperfection to be a blessing to a special woman in a lasting relationship. Going along with that, it means trusting Him that there is a woman who will have enough grace and patience to help me get to that point of being in a committed relationship. It is far easier to focus on my own failures and limitations than it is to focus on His grace and possibilities. Perhaps it is time for a serious "I" exam...

Say what?

Far from being the intro to a rap song or something of that nature, the title of my post is more accurately the reflection of a source of frustration this evening. It is no secret to the majority of people who have made my acquaintance that i like to talk. I would guess that it might take awhile for a conscientious searcher to find someone who could say, with a straight face, that I am quick to the point and that brevity is one of my strengths. While I do enjoy the ability to discuss practically anything and being generally able to converse on a semi-intelligent level about subjects about which I know very little, my primary source of frustration may actually have been exacerbated by my extensive vocabulary. As reason would have it, I expect that I could express myself with some degree of clarity. It seemed; however, that the harder I tried to be concise, the more words I used to say even less.

Admittedly, I was pretty tired this evening. Even a frou-frou frappacino drink did little to keep me alert and awake but perhaps that was due to the crash of the accompanying sugar high. In any case, I am digressing. As I was saying, I was frustrated by my inability to articulate myself this evening in a way that I felt adequately stated what I was thinking in a way that was at least somewhat coherent. In the scheme of things, this evening is of little significance except that it gets me thinking of how frequently I am unable to say what I thinking in words that make sense to the person to whom I am speaking. It is especially ironic as so many of my positions, both professionally and as a volunteer leader, have been in liaison role. I guess that the all-to-common breakdowns in my ability to clearly convey a message that is important to me are a good reminder that we all are learning to be clearer. I just would like to learn faster...

What's mine isn't?

One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis. I have read several of his books and though his thought process goes a lot deeper than even mine typically does, I enjoy pulling his quotes periodically when I need something particularly worthwhile to think about rather than typical mundane concerns that fill many of my days. One I came across recently was "Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours." If you can excuse the double negative, this statement carries a lot more meaning than you might speculate at first glance.

Rephrased slightly, it reads "That which is really yours is only what you have given away." It seems a contradictory statement. How can I possess that which I have given to someone else? Do I have to give something and take it back? It certainly doesn't seem like a sound economic policy. It is kind of funny how many of us define ourselves by what we owe. I like my car and my laptop and my camera and I like having a job that allows me to afford them but somehow I don't think that if I gave them away they would still be mine. Perhaps it is my narrow focus on the meaning of giving that makes it hard for me to understand this statement of Lewis' or perhaps I do understand it but prefer to act as if I don't. There is a song that goes "if you love somebody, set them free." While I am not particularly a fan of that song, I think it gets closer to the meaning of Lewis' words than I might like to think. Love cannot flourish when we try to make the person we love live according to our desires and wishes. When we have healthy relationships with others there is a big portion of them that must remain theirs. They aren't us and we aren't them, no matter how long we have been friends and how many mannerisms we have shared through spending time together over the years. As Thomas Merton wrote, "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” In other words, we cannot love others if we do not give them our love with the freedom to be who they are. We must give to love.

Furthermore, we may claim to love God, but how much of our lives do we withhold from His control? Perhaps it is our career that we are afraid He may ask us to change or our relationships He may want us to subject to his guidance. Perhaps it is that guilt we might harbor from something in our past or a success that we want all the credit for. Maybe it is our hopes and dreams that we fear He will push aside if we let Him. Interesting how fear finds its way in to so many reasons. Often people who seek to control others fear that if they don't, they will be left on their own. Ironically, our selfish nature typically has the same result if we let it rule our lives. We will eventually find ourselves alone. So why is fear such a motivator for so many of us? That may be a question for another posting.

Love is dangerous...

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness…We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it. What I know about love and believe about love and giving ones heart began in this.

-The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis

Reflection on Valentine's Day

I think that people fall into three basic categories on Valentine’s Day: those who like sending and/or receiving sappy cards, those who like sending and/or receiving sarcastic cards, and those who would prefer to ignore the entire day and prefer to keep Hallmark out of the loop. Admittedly, the three categories may have some overlap as we may alternate between feelings from year to year, or even minute-by-minute but as this really isn’t an essential point to ponder, I will move on…

Those who know me very well know that I am not particularly a fan of Valentine’s Day and probably fit mostly in the second category above. When I was younger there was a time when I carefully crafted handmade valentines for friends and family, but at some point in my childhood I learned that Valentine’s Day was more than just giving out Valentines. As I progressed through middle school and high school, I learned that the “holiday” was an opportune time to send flowers to your crush or significant other. 

 Whether or not I got involved in the flower exchanges it was difficult to miss that certain girls got more flowers than others and flowers from certain guys were more important than flowers from others.

The idea the Valentine’s Day was an opportunity to show love to those I care about was slowly replaced by the idea that Valentine’s Day didn’t have much of a purpose if I didn’t have someone to whom to send a carnation or a box of conversation hearts. I can’t really speak for the girls but I don’t think those who went home without a flower enjoyed the day either. To be sure, the gifts were items of little value but the feelings that accompanied them-those of acceptance and desirability or those of rejection and disappointment-often remained long after the candy was gone and the flowers wilted and thrown away. For some, they perhaps have remained to this day.

“But that is just a childhood remembrance,” you say, “What difference does it make in my life now?” Perhaps it makes no difference to some but I think that many of us approach Valentine’s Day (and more significantly, relationships in general) with some of the same feelings that we experienced in those adolescent valentine exchanges. Hopefully we look and act very differently than we did as children but Valentine’s Day can bring forth feelings that we might rather ignore. Don’t believe me? Do you identify with the girl who receives so many flowers from admirers that she has a huge bouquet or perhaps the girl who goes home year after year empty-handed? Do you identify more with the guy who buys flowers for a special girl, knowing she will be the envy of her girlfriends, or instead with the guy who doesn’t feel that any girl would appreciate or perhaps even accept any small token of interest from him?

In other words, on this Valentine’s Day are you more apt to feel loved or unloved, desired or overlooked?  

All too often for many of us, Valentine’s Day serves as a reminder of what we don’t have and perhaps what we may even feel we don’t deserve. But maybe we get it wrong by looking too closely at ourselves. Who said that we deserve love anyway? Scripture is pretty clear that all of us fall short of the standard that God has set for us and the only thing we deserve according to His law is death. …but that isn’t the end of the story either. John 3:16 explains: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” In other words, we deserved death, but God gives us love. 

So what does this mean for you Valentine’s Day? Is it significant to you that God, who formed us and knows all of talents and our faults, loves us with such passion? Should it affect how we love others and receive love this Valentine’s Day? How about how we view and love ourselves? Does the knowledge that you are loved by the Creator who calls you ‘wonderfully made’ give you hope that He could bring someone into your life to whom He has a given a glimpse of the man or woman He is forming you to be? (For some of you married or soon-to-be-non-singles reading this, He may have already done so)

Perhaps Valentine’s Day is just an opportunity for florists, candy makers, restaurateurs, and card companies, or perhaps it is an opportunity to let God love us and to love those around us to the best of our ability with His help. The decision is up to you and it isn’t one to make only on Valentine’s Day, but every day.