Tonight I went with some friends to watch Dan in Real Life, a movie about a guy who writes an advice column, but whose life isn't something his column readers would probably use as an example. While I enjoyed the movie, I was somewhat frustrated by the typical movie love story: man meets woman and they hit if off. Complications ensue, and the pair separates. Man pursues woman and wins her back and roll the credits. While I am very rarely deluded by the thought that cinema is real life, there is a part of me that probably wouldn't mind if life or at least love was as simple as some movie plots. While the reality is that life and love are generally more complex and consequently more interesting as a result, uncertainty is something that I don't particularly like. I suppose the rational part of my brain sees a great degree of foolishness is deliberately seeking out something as uncertain as a relationship, and more so of love. I am not saying that I think love is foolish, but it may indeed seem foolish to the one who isn't in love. In scripture we read that God's wisdom, and by extension I think we can extend that to include His message of good news, is foolishness to those who are perishing. I mean, what rational explanation is there for God sending His Son to die and take the punishment we deserve? Love is the only explanation that makes any sense to me, but on the same token, it seems foolish.
Then again, when you observe a couple in love, much of their behavior is truly foolish in the scheme of things. A glance, an accidental brush, or even a cheesy 80s song suddenly has a great deal of significance that simply cannot be explained to someone who isn't in love, except perhaps to those who have felt the feeling before.
Where am I going with this? I guess I am faced with the question tonight of whether it is possible to take oneself as seriously as I do at times and still be sufficiently foolish to love someone in the kind of relationship that I believe God created me for. I don't particularly like the question since my self-critical nature already "knows" the answer: There is no reason to take the risk since I will just be setting myself up for disappointment. A compelling lie, but a lie nonetheless. Perhaps it would have some grounding if I had loved greatly and been worse off because of it. The reality is that I am not very good at loving people and they aren't particularly good at loving me even when I actually let them. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I definitely have some friends for whom I have a deep love, but there is less risk in that. The reality is that love takes risk, and I tend to prefer risks when I feel that there is a good chance of success. Love isn't very predictable and that can be frustrating-especially when relying on my emotions tends to be a difficult practice with unpredictable and varied results.
I guess what I do know from my limited experience is that Love isn't focused on getting another person to love you, rather it is focused on loving the other person no matter how they may respond. That is something that is very hard to accept at times but it is essential to remember that we are called to that kind of love. I suppose that I have more than a little work to this end, but at least I have the offer of assistance from a God through which all things are possible!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
I'm Sorry...
I happened to not be able to make it to church today. Basically a combination of poor planning and some other random circumstances prevented me from getting there on time and I didn't want to show up very late. Anyway, since doing laundry is something I needed to do and isn't highly entertaining, I have been updating professional information and other exciting stuff. Since that also is less than entertaining, I just had to check my email, and myspace, and facebook... Which is where this entry actually comes in. (end rambling explanation here...)
I got a bulletin from one of my female Myspace friends that has a series of pictures of various women and a corresponding series of "apologies"- basically summed up with the last "apology": "I'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are."
While I could harp on the reality that it is not really an apology to say "I'm sorry that you are not acting the way I think you should," I don't think that is the point of the original writer of this post. (Nor do I see any point in debating that matter any further.) So let's delve into the heart of the matter:
While the majority of items on the list were appearance-based (and I would editorially add-superficial) it is no secret that men are typically a bit caught up by things such as appearance. I would say: however, that the inability to accept others for who they are is in no way limited to men. I could make my own "apology" list for the ways I have seen that men have failed to live up to some women's unrealistic expectations as well, though it would serve no useful purpose.
As men and women we all fall short of God’s glory and as such we suffer, perhaps to varying degrees, from the inability to accept others, and often ourselves. In short, we are all imperfect. Yet, there is a desire for the perfect hidden in all of us. It is expressed differently in each person: some repress it and stick to mediocrity; others try to find it in others, while still others attempt to reach musical, artistic, or athletic perfection. Secretly, we all know perfection is not to be obtained but nonetheless, the desire is there-especially for those of us who are perfectionists. Except for the severely disillusioned, it is safe to assume that most of us are aware of the fact that we are imperfect. In rare moments, some of us realize that only perfection is found in the Maker and Creator; however, that is not typically a thought that spends a great deal of time at the forefront of our minds. As such, we far too often make our way through lives depending on the approval of others to convince us that we are beautiful, smart, funny, athletic, artistic, useful, handsome, sexy, creative, successful, etc and ad naseum... The list could go on and on... Thankfully at times, those words do come-God knew what He was doing when He told us to encourage one another-but they may be absent as well when others don't recognize our talents or even appreciate who we really are.
In those times when we are acutely aware that we don't measure up that we are least able to accept others for who they are. Typically we make one of two choices, or a combination of both. We either regard others as more than ourselves in an unhealthy manner which elevates them to a standard/expectation that they cannot meet for long or we look for others' flaws and shortcomings so that we feel that we are somehow better than they are. Of course we can always work to tear down those whom we think are above us (think celebrities) since, in so doing, we try to elevate ourselves above them.
But how does this tie back in to the original statement? Well, for me, it really doesn't have the intended message-at least not directly. I am reminded to appreciate myself for who I am-which I can only know if I ask God to give me eyes to see me as He does. As I struggle to do so, perhaps I will be less blinded by the things, superficial and otherwise, that keep me from accepting others as they are.
Now there is something worth thinking about! How would seeing myself through God's eyes change how I interact with others?
Perhaps, if I saw myself as God does, I wouldn't assume that the woman whose smile is stuck in my memory and whose character amazes me will reject me simply because I assume from her appearance that she is "out of my league." Perhaps too, I wouldn't be so flattered by the attention of an attractive Godly woman that I would miss the clear indication from God that He has other plans for both of us.
Of course, women see things a bit differently but I can guess how things might be improve drastically for women who see themselves as God does as well. If a woman sees herself as a wonderful creation and her identity comes from God's reality, will she be any more complete dating the handsome, wealthy workaholic, than the slightly overweight, middle manager with an incredible sense of humor and fierce loyalty whom she may have otherwise ignored. Perhaps a woman who may not be as outwardly attractive as her peers will not think that somehow she is less worthy of a loving relationship because she gets less attention. Of course, these examples are oversimplifications-but I think they are worth thinking about.
I got a bulletin from one of my female Myspace friends that has a series of pictures of various women and a corresponding series of "apologies"- basically summed up with the last "apology": "I'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are."
While I could harp on the reality that it is not really an apology to say "I'm sorry that you are not acting the way I think you should," I don't think that is the point of the original writer of this post. (Nor do I see any point in debating that matter any further.) So let's delve into the heart of the matter:
While the majority of items on the list were appearance-based (and I would editorially add-superficial) it is no secret that men are typically a bit caught up by things such as appearance. I would say: however, that the inability to accept others for who they are is in no way limited to men. I could make my own "apology" list for the ways I have seen that men have failed to live up to some women's unrealistic expectations as well, though it would serve no useful purpose.
As men and women we all fall short of God’s glory and as such we suffer, perhaps to varying degrees, from the inability to accept others, and often ourselves. In short, we are all imperfect. Yet, there is a desire for the perfect hidden in all of us. It is expressed differently in each person: some repress it and stick to mediocrity; others try to find it in others, while still others attempt to reach musical, artistic, or athletic perfection. Secretly, we all know perfection is not to be obtained but nonetheless, the desire is there-especially for those of us who are perfectionists. Except for the severely disillusioned, it is safe to assume that most of us are aware of the fact that we are imperfect. In rare moments, some of us realize that only perfection is found in the Maker and Creator; however, that is not typically a thought that spends a great deal of time at the forefront of our minds. As such, we far too often make our way through lives depending on the approval of others to convince us that we are beautiful, smart, funny, athletic, artistic, useful, handsome, sexy, creative, successful, etc and ad naseum... The list could go on and on... Thankfully at times, those words do come-God knew what He was doing when He told us to encourage one another-but they may be absent as well when others don't recognize our talents or even appreciate who we really are.
In those times when we are acutely aware that we don't measure up that we are least able to accept others for who they are. Typically we make one of two choices, or a combination of both. We either regard others as more than ourselves in an unhealthy manner which elevates them to a standard/expectation that they cannot meet for long or we look for others' flaws and shortcomings so that we feel that we are somehow better than they are. Of course we can always work to tear down those whom we think are above us (think celebrities) since, in so doing, we try to elevate ourselves above them.
But how does this tie back in to the original statement? Well, for me, it really doesn't have the intended message-at least not directly. I am reminded to appreciate myself for who I am-which I can only know if I ask God to give me eyes to see me as He does. As I struggle to do so, perhaps I will be less blinded by the things, superficial and otherwise, that keep me from accepting others as they are.
Now there is something worth thinking about! How would seeing myself through God's eyes change how I interact with others?
Perhaps, if I saw myself as God does, I wouldn't assume that the woman whose smile is stuck in my memory and whose character amazes me will reject me simply because I assume from her appearance that she is "out of my league." Perhaps too, I wouldn't be so flattered by the attention of an attractive Godly woman that I would miss the clear indication from God that He has other plans for both of us.
Of course, women see things a bit differently but I can guess how things might be improve drastically for women who see themselves as God does as well. If a woman sees herself as a wonderful creation and her identity comes from God's reality, will she be any more complete dating the handsome, wealthy workaholic, than the slightly overweight, middle manager with an incredible sense of humor and fierce loyalty whom she may have otherwise ignored. Perhaps a woman who may not be as outwardly attractive as her peers will not think that somehow she is less worthy of a loving relationship because she gets less attention. Of course, these examples are oversimplifications-but I think they are worth thinking about.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
To Myspace or not to Myspace???
I am not sure if Myspace, with its really poor programming and cumbersome blogging setup, is a bad word here on blogger but in any case, that is really irrelevant to this entry. It has been quite a while-I guess I had to come down with a cold and be stuck at home on St. Patrick's Day in order to put together a new blog entry.
So, back to the subject of Myspace. I joined myspace awhile ago but never did much with it. Then friends of mine started getting addicted and I decided to check it out again. Since then I have gotten a bit addicted myself. Being home today mostly by myself has got me thinking about whether Myspace is a good or bad thing for me. While my intent is not to debate the morality of using Myspace, I just wanted to comment on the love/hate relationship I seem to developing with the interface-or whatever you want to call it.
Myspace is a really neat way to connect up with high school and college friends-especially those who now live across the United States, but I have found that I have had an easier time locating people who I now know and see every other week, if not more regularly. Of course, that isn't a problem either, at the outset.
It is fun to find people online and connect with people, the problem I find comes later. Depending on what a person feels like sharing, you can read their profile and learn a lot about a person in a fairly short period of time. While one might argue that if they post it and don' t make their profile private, it is their fault if you find out more than they would want you to know, it isn't really that simple in my mind. While the profile is intended for the general public, what about the comments that other people make on blogs. Not every comment seems to be appropriate fodder for comsumption of the public. And some users seem to think that every message, private or not, should be sent as a comment-though that is just an observation from someone who rarely sends comments...
But as I was saying, the real problem with Myspace for me is that it allows me to learn things about people with very little time investment on my part. I other words, I can read about someone's interests in lieu of actually spending time with that person and getting to know them through conversation. Granted, it would probably take a lot of conversation to glean enough information to rival some of the more comprehensive profiles, but that is what it takes to really get to know people. For someone like myself who has phases where I am more antisocial than not, Myspace is a tool that allows me to be lazy and quasi- get to know people without really risking anything much myself.
I mean as long as I am not a spammer or someone selling something, I don't think that many people would refuse to add me as a friend if they had at least met me once or twice. And if they do refuse, so what-will I be crushed? Highly unlikely. I suppose I could be upset that I don't make someone's top 4, top 8, or top 24 friends, but I only make the top 4 when the person has only 4 or 5 friends anyway. So where is the problem? Well, I have found that especially with gals I don't know well, Myspace offers a window into their lives that at times I really don't know them well enough to look into. Not that I am really doing anything inherently wrong but if by reading the Myspace profile of the girl I just met, I find out that she likes Radiohead, loves to mountain bike, graduated from UofMD, is an accountant, has a dog names Filbert, loves "Serendipity" and her favorite book is "Captivating," I have effectively eliminated the fun/challenge of finding all those things out in person. And to make matters worse, if you accidentally mention to much information, it may become obvious that you have spent some time reading the particular gal's Myspace page and then you can come off as a stalker...
But all this going back and forth doesn't really get to the central point: I don't think that anything can effectively take the place of spending time with a person to get to know them. If Myspace helps with that, great, if it takes the place of that, then there is a big problem. For a person such as myself, who tends to write more clearly than I speak, the problem is multiplied. But if writing rather than typing is the issue, I suppose email is suspect as well-and don' t even get me started on AIM...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)