In part I of this blog post, I was discussing how we're inclined to settle for less than the best. I touched on some areas we may settle: our work, our love, our faith...and yet, sadly, there are more...
Some of us settle in our physical bodies, knowing we need to take better care of ourselves yet postponing the doctor visit, the daily walk or gym visit, or perhaps the (gasp) diet! We fall for the same lies: "It is too late to change" "I don't have the discipline." "This is just how I am." Perhaps too, we settle with our minds. (Yes, the mind is part of the physical so I am including it here!) Mark Twain said something along the lines of "I finished my schooling and began my education." Are you still learning, if not, perhaps you are settling on your (very limited) knowledge!
Still others settle in our character, taking the example of leaders who follow a different god: money, power, fame, influence, success or simply taking the path of least resistance whenever we can. Perhaps we let our outside appearance (especially easy for those of us who are young) carry us and we don't bother to develop the internal traits that will be most meaningful when beauty fades and life takes courage. Even if we are regulars at the gym, if we do not strengthen our character, we will fall when faced with the slightest temptation or difficulty: a job opportunity too good to be true, a movie, book, or internet site we've no business watching, reading, or viewing, the attention of an attractive coworker who belongs to someone else (or any coworker to you marrieds reading this!). And not only into temptation will we fall. To reverse scripture slightly (Rom. 5, 3-4) a lack of character could be assumed to result from a lack of testing, suffering and perseverance-if we avoid tests and trials we may never develop character! Without sufficient depth of character (necessarily including patience!)a traffic jam delay or flat tire can push you over the edge. How then, to weather a layoff, breakup, loss of a loved one, or bad health diagnosis? I could probably write an entire posting just on character...and still not more than scrape the surface!
...But all of this writing of ways that we/I settle is kind of discouraging and hardly seems the way to launch into the new year. Granted, scripture tells us that "God's mercies are new every morning" (Lamentations 3:21-23)so all the hype of the New Year is mostly just fluff, but as I was saying...
Many Christians get it wrong when they talk about being content and not complaining. Not that those are wrong attitudes: scripture is clear that we are to do all things without complaining (Philippians 2:14)and being content in God's Love and provision, no matter whether or not you get everything you want! Yet, where they go wrong is when they mistake being content and not complaining with settling instead of responding to a God-given yearning. They instead, as C. S. Lewis writes, busy themselves with happily making mud pies when God has far greater plans for their lives!
Jesus did not settle and was not too easily satisfied. The gospel writers don't say much about his carpentry but can you image the creator of the Universe doing shoddy work "just to meet a deadline" or "turn a profit." He loved even those who betrayed him to death and denied him in his time of need. He wept at the death of a friend-a friend he would bring back to life. His faith was shown in his willingness to do the will of the Father-even when that meant torture and death on a cross. He healed broken hearts, bodies, and families. He provided food to the hungry. His character did not change according to the audience. He did not tell people what they wanted to hear to edify himself or gain their approval. He challenged the religious leaders who tried to make themselves like God in outward action rather than growing hearts with His character. He acknowledged the outcasts in spite of the disproving eyes and words of others and he broke the legalistic conventions of man. He was hated and yet He loved.
In John 14:12 Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." Are you settling while your heart yearns for something more? I recall the oft-quoted words of C. S. Lewis: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." Quite frankly, this world will never fully satisfy us but to have a life well-lived, I believe it is impossible to avoid the following question: Where am I settling that God has more for me on this earth? If you don't know, perhaps that is the most important question to ask Him!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Lack of Substance Part 1
"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." In Macbeth, Shakespeare paints a rather bleak picture of life-that of an act in which we pour our energies into a meaningless drama with no lasting significance. In short, life is of no substance.
While I am disinclined to think that we seek to live lives without substance, it seems that many of us allow far too much of that which is insubstantial displace the substantial. In laymen's terms, we fill our life with a lot of things that don't matter and end up having no room for the things that really matter. ...and we are surprised when our lives lack purpose and meaning!
I suppose that some would say we are just lazy creatures, doing what is easiest, but even the things that are not of lasting significance can take a herculean amount of effort. Take, for instance, the who's who of the high school years-I wasn't part of the popular "ruling" class, but I observed that a lot of effort went into belonging. You had to maintain your position, usually by putting outsiders down; you had to look the part, by wearing the right clothes and keeping up with the trends; and of course there was the constant pressure to act cool lest you be banished from the in-crowd. Sometimes the cool people even had to give up friendships or take part in activities they really didn't like, just to keep their position. The sad thing is that we can assume that all that high school coolness didn't follow them to college. At college, the process started over and then once again in the workplace or grad school. The effort never ends!
As the example above shows, we can put a lot of effort into things that mean a lot to us at the time but have no lasting significance. I think that perhaps the saddest part is that we are often so wrapped up in the insubstantial that it doesn't even bother us. C.S. Lewis probably says it best in "The Weight of Glory." "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
Lewis is writing about the glory which God offers us the opportunity in which to live even while we yet remain on this earth, but I think it can be applied to many things that are good but are not God's best for our lives. We are too easily satisfied and settle for a life in the shadow of the things which God has created for us.
We settle in our work: Perhaps taking a secure, high-paying job rather than a career we love. Others stay in middle management when they are more than qualified to run the company. Some work hard so they can play hard to forget about their work, others work so hard they never have time to play. ...and we wonder why we miss out on the "satisfaction in our toilsome labor" that is described in Ecclesiastes 5:18-20
We settle in love. Some forget who we are becoming in Christ and focus their attentions on someone who is far less than the person God is preparing for us. Some stay in a relationship with someone who hurts them and think they don't deserve better. Some cheapen love to the things that the world says it is. We make it about us, about our needs. Then we read the love described in the Song of Songs and wonder where we went wrong...
We settle in our faith. We seek a small God when it is convenient and ask Him to do small things (if we ask for His help at all). We don't have time to read the Bible and study the Word, yet we complain that we don't know God's will for our lives. We want God to work in our lives but we don't really want Him to test us or change us if it is going to be difficult or painful.
Unfortunately it is getting late so I will need to continue this later today!
While I am disinclined to think that we seek to live lives without substance, it seems that many of us allow far too much of that which is insubstantial displace the substantial. In laymen's terms, we fill our life with a lot of things that don't matter and end up having no room for the things that really matter. ...and we are surprised when our lives lack purpose and meaning!
I suppose that some would say we are just lazy creatures, doing what is easiest, but even the things that are not of lasting significance can take a herculean amount of effort. Take, for instance, the who's who of the high school years-I wasn't part of the popular "ruling" class, but I observed that a lot of effort went into belonging. You had to maintain your position, usually by putting outsiders down; you had to look the part, by wearing the right clothes and keeping up with the trends; and of course there was the constant pressure to act cool lest you be banished from the in-crowd. Sometimes the cool people even had to give up friendships or take part in activities they really didn't like, just to keep their position. The sad thing is that we can assume that all that high school coolness didn't follow them to college. At college, the process started over and then once again in the workplace or grad school. The effort never ends!
As the example above shows, we can put a lot of effort into things that mean a lot to us at the time but have no lasting significance. I think that perhaps the saddest part is that we are often so wrapped up in the insubstantial that it doesn't even bother us. C.S. Lewis probably says it best in "The Weight of Glory." "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
Lewis is writing about the glory which God offers us the opportunity in which to live even while we yet remain on this earth, but I think it can be applied to many things that are good but are not God's best for our lives. We are too easily satisfied and settle for a life in the shadow of the things which God has created for us.
We settle in our work: Perhaps taking a secure, high-paying job rather than a career we love. Others stay in middle management when they are more than qualified to run the company. Some work hard so they can play hard to forget about their work, others work so hard they never have time to play. ...and we wonder why we miss out on the "satisfaction in our toilsome labor" that is described in Ecclesiastes 5:18-20
We settle in love. Some forget who we are becoming in Christ and focus their attentions on someone who is far less than the person God is preparing for us. Some stay in a relationship with someone who hurts them and think they don't deserve better. Some cheapen love to the things that the world says it is. We make it about us, about our needs. Then we read the love described in the Song of Songs and wonder where we went wrong...
We settle in our faith. We seek a small God when it is convenient and ask Him to do small things (if we ask for His help at all). We don't have time to read the Bible and study the Word, yet we complain that we don't know God's will for our lives. We want God to work in our lives but we don't really want Him to test us or change us if it is going to be difficult or painful.
Unfortunately it is getting late so I will need to continue this later today!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Selfish?
Several weeks ago I posted a Facebook status noting that I can be really selfish when things don't go my way... While the events that led to that admission seem trivial now when viewed under the light of perspective gained through the passage of time and the wisdom of godly counsel, the realization remains the same. I mention this now, not to satisfy my self-critical nature (which incidentally cannot, and need not be satisfied), but rather to state a reality in my life that will be until I leave this earth. I hope that as my understanding of God's love towards me and the grace He shows, my selfishness will continue to die along with the "old man," but I know that it may be a long road indeed.
As I get older and watch many of my friends dating, marrying, and having children I sometimes wonder if I can ever be selfless enough to truly share my life (see, I referred to it as mine!) with a woman in a lasting relationship of equals known as marriage. Granted, I have friendships with members of both sexes that have withstood the test of time and I hope that my relationships with my family members will continue to grow, but when I look into scripture I cannot deny that there is something more required of a husband.
From the husband of the wife of noble character described in Proverbs 31, to the Beloved described in Song of Songs, and most strikingly, Paul's instruction in Ephesians 5:25 to husbands to "love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." love of a woman is no task for a selfish man. I find it a little bit humorous and a lot more challenging that the verse in Ephesians that is at times abused in the church and so maligned by the world, Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" is followed by the directive that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.
It is a formidable and sobering challenge in a world where selfish is often defined simply as someone who won't give us what we want: A woman who cares for her purity more than the desires of the boy who pretends to love her to get what he really wants may be accused as being selfish in much the same way that a child who refuses to share the toys at recess. Selfless people, think the late Mother Teresa, are venerated but seldom emulated. Perhaps the song "Love is a Battlefield" hints at the realization that in the worldly sense, love is too often reduced to a war between the wills of two, or more people, each seeking their own best interests. After all, nations do not go to war in order to help the country they are fighting! Love is a bloody fight and the battlefield is littered with the wounded hearts of people broken by selfish relationships. Perhaps there are some who we might say deserve their wounds as they loved the wrong person or the hurt their own selfishness caused them to heap on others finally came back to them but frankly, the reasons don't really matter. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...that's right, All.
Whether our hearts are broken because of our own selfishness, the selfishness of others, or a combination of the two, there is only one cure: to love selflessly. This advice flies in the face of every bit of self preservation and pride we may harbor. If love has left your heart wounded, why love more? Will not more pain be the result? Perhaps. But will loving no one and protecting your heart bring you healing? I have found no one who writes more challengingly on this subject than C. S. Lewis, and though I have quoted it often, this passage from The Four Loves, brings home a reality that I cannot state better:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
As I wrote earlier, I am selfish. I want to protect my heart. I don't want to risk the pain of rejection, I prefer injured pride over sacrificial humility, and I fear the very real possibility that I might hurt a woman I love, but in reality those fears are about me. They betray leanings toward a fearful, selfish, safe life which could not be further from the life that Christ led here on the earth. Christ showed his love for the Church by giving up his life for her and he did so boldly. I have a long way to go but I hope that you will join me on the journey and we may travel together, whether it be for this season or for the long haul. If love were easy, we wouldn't need Him to lead us along the way.
As I get older and watch many of my friends dating, marrying, and having children I sometimes wonder if I can ever be selfless enough to truly share my life (see, I referred to it as mine!) with a woman in a lasting relationship of equals known as marriage. Granted, I have friendships with members of both sexes that have withstood the test of time and I hope that my relationships with my family members will continue to grow, but when I look into scripture I cannot deny that there is something more required of a husband.
From the husband of the wife of noble character described in Proverbs 31, to the Beloved described in Song of Songs, and most strikingly, Paul's instruction in Ephesians 5:25 to husbands to "love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." love of a woman is no task for a selfish man. I find it a little bit humorous and a lot more challenging that the verse in Ephesians that is at times abused in the church and so maligned by the world, Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord" is followed by the directive that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.
It is a formidable and sobering challenge in a world where selfish is often defined simply as someone who won't give us what we want: A woman who cares for her purity more than the desires of the boy who pretends to love her to get what he really wants may be accused as being selfish in much the same way that a child who refuses to share the toys at recess. Selfless people, think the late Mother Teresa, are venerated but seldom emulated. Perhaps the song "Love is a Battlefield" hints at the realization that in the worldly sense, love is too often reduced to a war between the wills of two, or more people, each seeking their own best interests. After all, nations do not go to war in order to help the country they are fighting! Love is a bloody fight and the battlefield is littered with the wounded hearts of people broken by selfish relationships. Perhaps there are some who we might say deserve their wounds as they loved the wrong person or the hurt their own selfishness caused them to heap on others finally came back to them but frankly, the reasons don't really matter. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...that's right, All.
Whether our hearts are broken because of our own selfishness, the selfishness of others, or a combination of the two, there is only one cure: to love selflessly. This advice flies in the face of every bit of self preservation and pride we may harbor. If love has left your heart wounded, why love more? Will not more pain be the result? Perhaps. But will loving no one and protecting your heart bring you healing? I have found no one who writes more challengingly on this subject than C. S. Lewis, and though I have quoted it often, this passage from The Four Loves, brings home a reality that I cannot state better:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
As I wrote earlier, I am selfish. I want to protect my heart. I don't want to risk the pain of rejection, I prefer injured pride over sacrificial humility, and I fear the very real possibility that I might hurt a woman I love, but in reality those fears are about me. They betray leanings toward a fearful, selfish, safe life which could not be further from the life that Christ led here on the earth. Christ showed his love for the Church by giving up his life for her and he did so boldly. I have a long way to go but I hope that you will join me on the journey and we may travel together, whether it be for this season or for the long haul. If love were easy, we wouldn't need Him to lead us along the way.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Love is not blind.
It has been awhile since I have attempted to put my thoughts out in public via my blog. Frankly, I am not entirely sold on the idea that the general public is ready for glimpses of the inside of my brain! Courtesy of Starbucks I am wide awake, so I thought I'd finish up an entry I started recently.
"Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and
clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves." -Blaise Pascal
There is an old adage that says that "love is blind." I don't really buy it-and I don't think it is just because guys are visual. Even visually impaired people find ways to see. People without sight are not the only ones described as blind in scripture. Psalm 135:16 tells of those who have eyes but cannot see and in 2 Kings 6:17 Elisha prays that God will help his servant to see the hills full of horses and chariots of fire. Of course, those less literal than I would probably argue that "love is blind" refers more to the tendency of those in love to not see things that might get in the way of their love: race, socioeconomic status, etc, or perhaps alludes to the type of infatuation-love that occurs when one or both people can see no shortcomings in the other. Then again, it is not hard to make the point that infatuation can only stand in the place of love for so long before it is revealed for a sham.
But, to get back to the original quote, Pascal describes not a 'love fog' that obscures or selective sight which sees what it wants to see but instead a "clear mind [that] loves ardently and sees distinctly..." Mirriam-Webster defines ardent as "characterized by warmth of feeling typically expressed in eager zealous support or activity." The definition of "fiery, hot" is also used. So in, other words, a clear mind loves with a fiery, hot, passion that which it sees clearly/distinctly.
So where am I going here? If this were an essay, I realize that I should have given my thesis statement already, but as it isn't, so here goes... Love isn't blind-it sees more, not less. Don't believe me? Please keep reading...
Have you ever looked in a mirror and not liked what you saw? I am going to go out on a limb and assume that most of us have at one time or another. (most of us probably do so far too frequently for that matter!) Admittedly, a mirror gives a very incomplete view. It gives no allowance for bad days, sickness, sunburn or bedhead and it cannot show our character, intellect, or the state of our hearts. If we are to love someone based on the mirror view, we are missing a lot, no matter how beautiful they are! "Mirror love" can hardly be expected to grow with time! "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." According to John 15:3, Jesus demonstrated the greatest love. Interesting because he saw past the outer person and looked at the hearts. He sharply rebuked the Pharisees who focused on outward appearance, even as he commended the faith of societal outcasts. His love went far beyond-to the people He knew entirely before he formed them in their mothers' wombs. He was not blind to their faults and failures and yet He loved them with great intensity.
I know not much of love-at least not of the romantic type-but from Jesus' example, it should be clear to me that if I am to love a woman in the way that God has designed, I must see clearly who she is. If I do not see that, my love cannot grow and flourish as it is not grounded in reality. Real love does not paint a picture of a person that isn't, though lovers may at times describe one another in glowing terms. Real love sees faults but as God offers us His grace because He loves us, real, agape, love is seasoned with grace. Real love sees the heart, perhaps only in small glimpses, but glimpses that cause us to want to see more. The beauty of a Godly heart does not fade with time.
"Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and
clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves." -Blaise Pascal
There is an old adage that says that "love is blind." I don't really buy it-and I don't think it is just because guys are visual. Even visually impaired people find ways to see. People without sight are not the only ones described as blind in scripture. Psalm 135:16 tells of those who have eyes but cannot see and in 2 Kings 6:17 Elisha prays that God will help his servant to see the hills full of horses and chariots of fire. Of course, those less literal than I would probably argue that "love is blind" refers more to the tendency of those in love to not see things that might get in the way of their love: race, socioeconomic status, etc, or perhaps alludes to the type of infatuation-love that occurs when one or both people can see no shortcomings in the other. Then again, it is not hard to make the point that infatuation can only stand in the place of love for so long before it is revealed for a sham.
But, to get back to the original quote, Pascal describes not a 'love fog' that obscures or selective sight which sees what it wants to see but instead a "clear mind [that] loves ardently and sees distinctly..." Mirriam-Webster defines ardent as "characterized by warmth of feeling typically expressed in eager zealous support or activity." The definition of "fiery, hot" is also used. So in, other words, a clear mind loves with a fiery, hot, passion that which it sees clearly/distinctly.
So where am I going here? If this were an essay, I realize that I should have given my thesis statement already, but as it isn't, so here goes... Love isn't blind-it sees more, not less. Don't believe me? Please keep reading...
Have you ever looked in a mirror and not liked what you saw? I am going to go out on a limb and assume that most of us have at one time or another. (most of us probably do so far too frequently for that matter!) Admittedly, a mirror gives a very incomplete view. It gives no allowance for bad days, sickness, sunburn or bedhead and it cannot show our character, intellect, or the state of our hearts. If we are to love someone based on the mirror view, we are missing a lot, no matter how beautiful they are! "Mirror love" can hardly be expected to grow with time! "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." According to John 15:3, Jesus demonstrated the greatest love. Interesting because he saw past the outer person and looked at the hearts. He sharply rebuked the Pharisees who focused on outward appearance, even as he commended the faith of societal outcasts. His love went far beyond-to the people He knew entirely before he formed them in their mothers' wombs. He was not blind to their faults and failures and yet He loved them with great intensity.
I know not much of love-at least not of the romantic type-but from Jesus' example, it should be clear to me that if I am to love a woman in the way that God has designed, I must see clearly who she is. If I do not see that, my love cannot grow and flourish as it is not grounded in reality. Real love does not paint a picture of a person that isn't, though lovers may at times describe one another in glowing terms. Real love sees faults but as God offers us His grace because He loves us, real, agape, love is seasoned with grace. Real love sees the heart, perhaps only in small glimpses, but glimpses that cause us to want to see more. The beauty of a Godly heart does not fade with time.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Brokenness
I unexpectedly had some free time this evening so I figured it was about time to wrap up a blog entry I started almost two weeks ago! It is a bit long but that is a hazard of reading my blog I guess!
As Valentine’s Day came to a close, I was frittering away some time on Facebook while trying to avoid posting my first impressions of the mushier postings from enamored couples and came across the following quote: "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine!" I immediately recognized from one of my favorite movies of all time, Casablanca. It is uttered by one of the main characters and the owner of a classy club, Rick, when he is surprised to see a woman he never expected to see again. The following exhange, occurring later in the movie, provides us with clearer insight on his feelings:
Ilsa: Rick, I have to talk to you.
Rick: [Rick is drunk] Uh-huh. I saved my first drink to have with you. Here.
[passes her a drink]
Ilsa: No. No, Rick, not tonight.
Rick: *Especially* tonight.
Ilsa: Please...
[he pours a drink]
Rick: Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places.
Ilsa: I wouldn't have come if I'd known that you were here. Believe me Rick, it's true I didn't know...
Rick: It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. Richard, dear, I'll go with you anyplace. We'll get on a train together and never stop -
Ilsa: Don't, Rick! I can understand how you feel.
Rick: [scoffs] You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey?
Ilsa: [on the verge of tears] I didn't count the days.
Rick: Well, I did. Every one of 'em. Mostly I remember the last one. The wild finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look in his face because his insides have been kicked out.
Ilsa: Can I tell you a story, Rick?
Rick: Has it got a wild finish?
Ilsa: I don't know the finish yet.
Rick: Well, go on. Tell it - maybe one will come to you as you go along.
Ilsa: It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends, she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life. A very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshiped him... with a feeling she supposed was love.
Rick: [bitterly] Yes, it's very pretty. I heard a story once - as a matter of fact, I've heard a lot of stories in my time. They went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing in the parlor downstairs. Mister, I met a man once when I was a kid, it always began.
[laughs]
Rick: Well, I guess neither one of our stories is very funny. Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Lazlo, or were there others in between or... aren't you the kind that tells?
[Ilsa tearfully and silently leaves. Rick's face falls in his hands sadly, knowing that he's said all the wrong things]
While I think highly of Casablanca and won’t ruin it by telling you the ending, this part of the story doesn’t seem a whole lot different from many love stories on the big screen. They tend to follow a basic cinematic sequence: Couple meets, falls in love, complications ensue, someone gets hurt and then we move on to reconciliation, and hopefully, a happy (though often cheesy) ending.
The excerpt above is clearly somewhere after the “someone gets hurt” part! Though Rick’s bitter words are not especially surprising coming from someone who describes himself as “A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look in his face because his insides have been kicked out,” it doesn’t seem that getting his feelings out there makes him feel any better. I suspect that the expression “To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all” wouldn’t have gone over too well with Rick; at least not while the woman he loved (and lost) is standing in front of him.
Now I could make this a post about forgiveness, but I am not going to do that. Frankly, I don’t really know what it feels like to get my insides kicked out so I am not sure I could write a compelling entry on that subject anyway. If you read the title and can still remember it at this point, you know that I am writing instead about brokenness.
So anyway, Rick’s words pretty cut pretty deeply into Llsa. While she probably deserved it, she got an unwanted opportunity to feel a bit of the agonizing pain that Rick described for her so bitterly. In his pain, only partially buried in his drunkenness, he lashed out at the woman he had once loved and found that his pain only grew stronger. He had expected her to show up and she had left him for a wealthier man who could provide security and perhaps, she thought, a better future. Now, after he expected never to see her again, both she and that man now depend on Rick to get them out of the country and safe from the Nazis. If anyone has a reason to be bitter, it is Rick.
But enough about a couple of characters in a movie, let’s bring this home to real life. Perhaps you can identify too easily with the pain that Rick describes. Perhaps you offered your heart to someone who didn’t want it. Perhaps you gave a piece of your heart to someone who played with it as a cat toys with a mouse and discarded it in much the same matter. Perhaps you gave your heart to someone who didn’t deserve it and ended up like Rick “with your insides [your heart] kicked out.” Perhaps you aren’t sure what happened but you feel like that your dreams of loving and being loved by someone special have died with the hopes that harbored them. Whatever the cause, you feel bruised, battered, and perhaps even irreparably broken.
But broken isn’t where it ends-at least not where it has to end... We can choose to seek healing or we can live on as best we can without it. Of course it isn’t just that simple. We aren’t very good at healing ourselves (perhaps we weren’t designed that way?) And the desire to be whole isn’t going to provide a salve for our wounds-especially not the empty hole that remains from a heart sacrificed on the altar of selfish love. (That is love with a lower-case “l.”) If we look around us, we can find a lot of broken-hearted people who have let bitterness and discouragement fill the void where once love reigned. Some of them have even worked really hard to find healing, -in other relationships, in a career, in possessions, in music, in nature, in spirituality, in drugs and/or alcohol, in food-the list goes on but the results are usually the same. Whether it is visible only in the rare times when their guard is down or erupts often in bitter words like lava from an active volcano, the brokenness remains…
…But it doesn’t have to. While I don’t think we will ever be completely whole while we walk this earth, we need not look much farther than the God in whom we claim to place our hope for hope in our brokenness and healing. No, I am not saying that God is a Band-Aid for anything that ails us. Perhaps some of the brokenness we feel comes from our own decisions to choose our own way when He had other plans for us. Or maybe our hurt comes from others who chose their plans over His. Either way, He isn’t a God of trite answers to hard questions, conditional love, and quick fixes. Who better to love the broken-hearted than One whose heart was broken? Rejected and betrayed by his closest friends, cursed by the multitudes who first greeted him as king, mocked, whipped, beaten, and crucified while the Father turned a blind eye, Jesus experienced brokenness in a way that most, if not all, of us cannot even imagine! Jesus had very good reason to be bitter and to leave us in our suffering just as those He loved left Him, or even drove the nails through his hands and feet! Yet, he reaches out to us in our brokenness and offers wholeness that only He can give. He stands at the door to your heart knocking. Will you cling to your bitterness or let Him clean out the darkness, cleanse your wounds, and bring healing? Will you let your hurt rule you life or will you let Him?
As Valentine’s Day came to a close, I was frittering away some time on Facebook while trying to avoid posting my first impressions of the mushier postings from enamored couples and came across the following quote: "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine!" I immediately recognized from one of my favorite movies of all time, Casablanca. It is uttered by one of the main characters and the owner of a classy club, Rick, when he is surprised to see a woman he never expected to see again. The following exhange, occurring later in the movie, provides us with clearer insight on his feelings:
Ilsa: Rick, I have to talk to you.
Rick: [Rick is drunk] Uh-huh. I saved my first drink to have with you. Here.
[passes her a drink]
Ilsa: No. No, Rick, not tonight.
Rick: *Especially* tonight.
Ilsa: Please...
[he pours a drink]
Rick: Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places.
Ilsa: I wouldn't have come if I'd known that you were here. Believe me Rick, it's true I didn't know...
Rick: It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. Richard, dear, I'll go with you anyplace. We'll get on a train together and never stop -
Ilsa: Don't, Rick! I can understand how you feel.
Rick: [scoffs] You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey?
Ilsa: [on the verge of tears] I didn't count the days.
Rick: Well, I did. Every one of 'em. Mostly I remember the last one. The wild finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look in his face because his insides have been kicked out.
Ilsa: Can I tell you a story, Rick?
Rick: Has it got a wild finish?
Ilsa: I don't know the finish yet.
Rick: Well, go on. Tell it - maybe one will come to you as you go along.
Ilsa: It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends, she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life. A very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him. And she looked up to him and worshiped him... with a feeling she supposed was love.
Rick: [bitterly] Yes, it's very pretty. I heard a story once - as a matter of fact, I've heard a lot of stories in my time. They went along with the sound of a tinny piano playing in the parlor downstairs. Mister, I met a man once when I was a kid, it always began.
[laughs]
Rick: Well, I guess neither one of our stories is very funny. Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Lazlo, or were there others in between or... aren't you the kind that tells?
[Ilsa tearfully and silently leaves. Rick's face falls in his hands sadly, knowing that he's said all the wrong things]
While I think highly of Casablanca and won’t ruin it by telling you the ending, this part of the story doesn’t seem a whole lot different from many love stories on the big screen. They tend to follow a basic cinematic sequence: Couple meets, falls in love, complications ensue, someone gets hurt and then we move on to reconciliation, and hopefully, a happy (though often cheesy) ending.
The excerpt above is clearly somewhere after the “someone gets hurt” part! Though Rick’s bitter words are not especially surprising coming from someone who describes himself as “A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look in his face because his insides have been kicked out,” it doesn’t seem that getting his feelings out there makes him feel any better. I suspect that the expression “To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all” wouldn’t have gone over too well with Rick; at least not while the woman he loved (and lost) is standing in front of him.
Now I could make this a post about forgiveness, but I am not going to do that. Frankly, I don’t really know what it feels like to get my insides kicked out so I am not sure I could write a compelling entry on that subject anyway. If you read the title and can still remember it at this point, you know that I am writing instead about brokenness.
So anyway, Rick’s words pretty cut pretty deeply into Llsa. While she probably deserved it, she got an unwanted opportunity to feel a bit of the agonizing pain that Rick described for her so bitterly. In his pain, only partially buried in his drunkenness, he lashed out at the woman he had once loved and found that his pain only grew stronger. He had expected her to show up and she had left him for a wealthier man who could provide security and perhaps, she thought, a better future. Now, after he expected never to see her again, both she and that man now depend on Rick to get them out of the country and safe from the Nazis. If anyone has a reason to be bitter, it is Rick.
But enough about a couple of characters in a movie, let’s bring this home to real life. Perhaps you can identify too easily with the pain that Rick describes. Perhaps you offered your heart to someone who didn’t want it. Perhaps you gave a piece of your heart to someone who played with it as a cat toys with a mouse and discarded it in much the same matter. Perhaps you gave your heart to someone who didn’t deserve it and ended up like Rick “with your insides [your heart] kicked out.” Perhaps you aren’t sure what happened but you feel like that your dreams of loving and being loved by someone special have died with the hopes that harbored them. Whatever the cause, you feel bruised, battered, and perhaps even irreparably broken.
But broken isn’t where it ends-at least not where it has to end... We can choose to seek healing or we can live on as best we can without it. Of course it isn’t just that simple. We aren’t very good at healing ourselves (perhaps we weren’t designed that way?) And the desire to be whole isn’t going to provide a salve for our wounds-especially not the empty hole that remains from a heart sacrificed on the altar of selfish love. (That is love with a lower-case “l.”) If we look around us, we can find a lot of broken-hearted people who have let bitterness and discouragement fill the void where once love reigned. Some of them have even worked really hard to find healing, -in other relationships, in a career, in possessions, in music, in nature, in spirituality, in drugs and/or alcohol, in food-the list goes on but the results are usually the same. Whether it is visible only in the rare times when their guard is down or erupts often in bitter words like lava from an active volcano, the brokenness remains…
…But it doesn’t have to. While I don’t think we will ever be completely whole while we walk this earth, we need not look much farther than the God in whom we claim to place our hope for hope in our brokenness and healing. No, I am not saying that God is a Band-Aid for anything that ails us. Perhaps some of the brokenness we feel comes from our own decisions to choose our own way when He had other plans for us. Or maybe our hurt comes from others who chose their plans over His. Either way, He isn’t a God of trite answers to hard questions, conditional love, and quick fixes. Who better to love the broken-hearted than One whose heart was broken? Rejected and betrayed by his closest friends, cursed by the multitudes who first greeted him as king, mocked, whipped, beaten, and crucified while the Father turned a blind eye, Jesus experienced brokenness in a way that most, if not all, of us cannot even imagine! Jesus had very good reason to be bitter and to leave us in our suffering just as those He loved left Him, or even drove the nails through his hands and feet! Yet, he reaches out to us in our brokenness and offers wholeness that only He can give. He stands at the door to your heart knocking. Will you cling to your bitterness or let Him clean out the darkness, cleanse your wounds, and bring healing? Will you let your hurt rule you life or will you let Him?
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