Tonight I went with some friends to watch Dan in Real Life, a movie about a guy who writes an advice column, but whose life isn't something his column readers would probably use as an example. While I enjoyed the movie, I was somewhat frustrated by the typical movie love story: man meets woman and they hit if off. Complications ensue, and the pair separates. Man pursues woman and wins her back and roll the credits. While I am very rarely deluded by the thought that cinema is real life, there is a part of me that probably wouldn't mind if life or at least love was as simple as some movie plots. While the reality is that life and love are generally more complex and consequently more interesting as a result, uncertainty is something that I don't particularly like. I suppose the rational part of my brain sees a great degree of foolishness is deliberately seeking out something as uncertain as a relationship, and more so of love. I am not saying that I think love is foolish, but it may indeed seem foolish to the one who isn't in love. In scripture we read that God's wisdom, and by extension I think we can extend that to include His message of good news, is foolishness to those who are perishing. I mean, what rational explanation is there for God sending His Son to die and take the punishment we deserve? Love is the only explanation that makes any sense to me, but on the same token, it seems foolish.
Then again, when you observe a couple in love, much of their behavior is truly foolish in the scheme of things. A glance, an accidental brush, or even a cheesy 80s song suddenly has a great deal of significance that simply cannot be explained to someone who isn't in love, except perhaps to those who have felt the feeling before.
Where am I going with this? I guess I am faced with the question tonight of whether it is possible to take oneself as seriously as I do at times and still be sufficiently foolish to love someone in the kind of relationship that I believe God created me for. I don't particularly like the question since my self-critical nature already "knows" the answer: There is no reason to take the risk since I will just be setting myself up for disappointment. A compelling lie, but a lie nonetheless. Perhaps it would have some grounding if I had loved greatly and been worse off because of it. The reality is that I am not very good at loving people and they aren't particularly good at loving me even when I actually let them. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I definitely have some friends for whom I have a deep love, but there is less risk in that. The reality is that love takes risk, and I tend to prefer risks when I feel that there is a good chance of success. Love isn't very predictable and that can be frustrating-especially when relying on my emotions tends to be a difficult practice with unpredictable and varied results.
I guess what I do know from my limited experience is that Love isn't focused on getting another person to love you, rather it is focused on loving the other person no matter how they may respond. That is something that is very hard to accept at times but it is essential to remember that we are called to that kind of love. I suppose that I have more than a little work to this end, but at least I have the offer of assistance from a God through which all things are possible!
