Responsibility

I am not sure that I should post this, since it may be a bit more personal than I generally prefer to make available to the general public. That said, I would actually be interested to get other's thoughts on this topic.

I was spending some time with some friends this evening and the topic came up (as it tends to do in coed groups of singles) of how many of the girls feel uncomfortable with the way that guys interact with them/ act around them. While hardly a new topic, I was thinking about it a bit and got somewhat frustrated. While I am glad that gals often feel comfortable enough with me to discuss these sorts of things I struggle with maintaining the correct perspective regarding my responsibility. Guys are not supposed to be passive but I sometimes feel that it is my responsibility to protect every girl I know from guys who are blind to social cues or simply make the girls uncomfortable. While that isn't the case because, simply put, I can't be everywhere at once and even if I was, I can only do so much anyway. (and I couldn't really do much about the girls I make uncomfortable) I guess I feel a bit overwhelmed, especially in regards to Crossings since I would really like to help teach the guys to relate better to the women in the group and to treat them with the respect they deserve. I don't however, want to be a role model in that area because I hardly think that I am an example they should follow. While some guys might be able to learn how to better treat some of the women but watching me sometimes-they aren't going to learn how to pursue and how to truthfully share your feelings for a woman they care about. I am also concerned that if I were to step out and pursue some of the girls, they might view me in the same way they view serial daters or the guys they don't trust because they are afraid they are just being hit on. Perhaps that is just being cowardly, but it still does bother me. Herein comes the part about Responsibility.

Regarding responsibility: What is my responsibility towards the women of the group? I have learned many of the responsibilities/qualities of a Godly man and am slowly trying to put them into practice. The reality is that there is always more to do and always room to improve. So for this discussion I would like the ask a smaller question: To what extent can I hold myself responsible for the actions of other guys toward women in the group? I have been asked to intervene in situations-sometimes when it was appropriate and others when it was not-but in at least some situations my direct intervention may have helped the situation but did nothing to address the root of the problem. It is like patching cracks in the outside of a bulding when foundation is failing. The building may look good for a bit but it will just keep getting worse without major renovations.

I guess there is a second part to my responsibility question. As a leader and a man who tries very hard to be trustworthy and honoring-especially in his relationships with women-how do I shirk my responsibility by not stepping out and taking the risk to pursue? I initiate, but initiating friendships is not as risky by any means since any rejection hurts a lot less.
While rejection by a girl you are pursuing is lousy, it is much better sooner rather than later (to a point) and doesn't need to be something that is crushing of one's self worth, etc. My worth comes from God, and not from my ability to get a woman to like me or even in my ability to "rescue a woman." (Though "Wild at Heart" does not say that a man is less of a man if he isn't rescuing a woman so much that he may feel that way. ) Truly, I think it is more aptly put that a woman's desire to be rescued must be filled by a relationship with Jesus Christ. That doesn't, however, get me or any other man off the hook in terms of pursuing a woman. We just need to be aware that we will never fill certain needs nor will any woman fill ours.

That said, I still dont' like rejection and I definitely dont' go seeking it... What I am far more concerned about is failing. While failure is part of life, I don't want to fail my female friends, let alone a girl I am in a relationship with. Fear of failure cannot be allowed to prevent me to try. Indeed, fear of failure may very effectively prevent success, and thus lead to the failure of not trying at all. I kind of feel like the expectation of many of the girls I know is that the guy will fail so there isnt' really any point of giving him a chance. I need to face the fact that I will fail but God will hopefully bring a woman into my life who will have patience for my failures.