This is an entry I have started twice before but didn't get to a point where it made sense to post it. I was feeling particularly introspective this evening so I decided it was time to get this up to speed...
About a month ago, I heard messages at church and at Exit that talked a bit about dreams, and I got thinking a bit about the topic. It isn't that I don't periodically think about dreams, it is more that the typical goings-on in my life often occupy my thoughts and leave precious little time much else. Ironically, I find that now my opportunities to do a lot of very interesting things that I could not even imagined at a young age have expanded dramatically, yet much of the time my dreams seem to have largely got lost in the shuffle.
I remember some of the dreams I had as a little kid: wanting to be a firefighter, a spy, a policeman, especially nwanting to drive that big piece of heavy machinery (some things haven't changed much since I think it would be fun to drive a Caterpillar Dozer at least once or dig a big hole with an excavator.)
But, back to my present line of thought... I don't really see a need to discuss the current daily cares and worries of work and life that can so often occupy my mind but I do think if I don't take some time to dream, there is a big piece of my life that is missing.
Someone asked me the other day what I hoped to accomplish in my career as a Landscape Architect and I was somewhat surprised to realize that I am not exactly sure. I know that they say that people with goals are more apt to achieve them, but I think that currently I am happy to be enjoying my job and doing something that I really feel makes a difference. Granted, I am not designing parks or grand public spaces (I am not designing much of anything) nor am I laying out new towns or urban centers as I would assume those more advanced in my profession may be doing. Perhaps my dream is simply to do my work well and be part of projects about which I am proud. Of course, I do desire to do my part in creating a generation of designers who are astute in balancing the reality of construction with the freedom of pure design. How to go about doing that is, at this point, still well beyond my reach.
I wonder if my many interests are a part of the problem. If I were obsessed with sailing, I might simply want to circumnavigate the globe. Or I might have Jonny Bench's obsession and passion to be the best catcher in the history of the game of baseball. At this point, it is hard enough for me to delve into the many things about which I am passionate: art, music, photography, woodworking, the outdoors, kayaking, sailing... I could keep going on but I am actually going off in a direction that I wasn't planning to take.
I think that more important than knowing all of my dreams right at this moment is considering what could happen if I trust God to bring those that are part of His plan to fruition. For example,
My career isn't as I had dreamed it would be but the fact that I am still growing and learning gives me hope that I will dream bigger dreams and accomplish more. As recently as a year ago I dreamt of a job that would engage my talents and keep me challenged and right now I have part of that. I suppose I could focus on the things I don't have but it may simply be better for me to focus on the hope that God really does mean what He says when He tells us that "He will give us the desires of our hearts." The challenge therein is that we are not always keyed in to what our hearts are really saying. To make matters worse, it seems that many of us prefer to live in the deferred dreams of our past rather than moving forward to our future. In the new Indiana Jones movie there is a comment regarding how much of life which could be lived is spent instead in waiting. While I may have minced the quotation, the point is still clear. We are to go after our dreams or we may forever regret not doing so. How does this translate in my life? Perhaps it means learning a new skill that I might not be able to master or perhaps it simply means breaking out of the safety of the known and expected. While I am not sure what this exactly looks like, I think that there is something in there about my daring to believe that God can use me in my imperfection to be a blessing to a special woman in a lasting relationship. Going along with that, it means trusting Him that there is a woman who will have enough grace and patience to help me get to that point of being in a committed relationship. It is far easier to focus on my own failures and limitations than it is to focus on His grace and possibilities. Perhaps it is time for a serious "I" exam...
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